« Operation Red Herring | Main | Patting Frist on the back »

July 29, 2005

Rowboat Veterans for Truth

Forget everything you know from your US History classes. It's all a liberal ruse to lull you into a state of complacency. The whole story of General George Washington has gone untold until now. Fortunately the great patriots who toiled far away from the possibility of being of being shot in the line of duty have come forward with their version.

That no good poltroon George Washington isn't the great Father of our Country that you've been led to believe. You've had the wool pulled over your eyes long enough.

Just in time to rescue a weary nation from the depths of copious, fact-laced historical data, I give you The Rowboat Veterans For Truth:

Friends and fellow countrymen, it's time to set the record straight. "General" George Washington is no war-hero.

He’s resting his entire campaign on his so-called heroics in the Revolutionary War, and his famous Delaware River crossing.

His campaign wagons about a handful of Revolutionary veterans throughout the 13 States, and trots them out at public appearances to sing his praises. George Washington wants us to believe that these men represent all those he calls his "rowboat band of brothers."

But if bother you ask his boat mates, they’ll tell you. The truth is, the man is unfit for command, and as president he would quite literally leave our young nation up the creek, without a paddle.

Speaking of “no paddles”, look closely at this famous picture of a paddle-free G.W. relaxing while his comrades do all the rowing.

Rowboat Vets for Truth is here to share the real story, to correct the misleading use of our images, against our will, in paintings, woodcuts and pamphlets across the colonies.

The Rowboat Vets for Truth will counter the outrageous claims made by Mr. Washington and the liberal printing presses in Boston and Philadelphia.

We speak from personal experience - our group includes men who served beside Washington in combat against unarmed Germans on Christmas night, 1776. Though we come from different backgrounds, shoe menders, haberdashers, stable boys, candle holders to the wealthy. etc., and hold varying political opinions, we agree on one thing: George Washington lacks the potential to lead.

We regret the need to do this. Well, sorta. For a long time, most Revolutionary veterans kept silent. However, now that a key creator of that poisonous image is seeking the Presidency we have resolved to end our silence.

It's time to set the record straight.

This organization bravely outs the lazy and cowardly George Washington as the less-than-combatish veteran the US history books and hundreds of years of biographical study claim him to be. Fortunately they don't have to rely on the truth. They've got great paintings of Washington's likeness and a website.

Posted by Carla at July 29, 2005 06:49 PM