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August 21, 2005

Lioness

At the end of last week, my 12 year old daughter was sick with a mysterious fever. It would come and go...but mostly it hovered at just a few tenths above normal so I didn't take her to the doctor. Last Thursday it spiked to 102.5 but was gone the next morning.

By Monday it was still hanging in at right around 100 degrees so I took her in to see the pediatrician. He noticed some swollen nodes and a few spots on her throat, but her urine was clear. He'd had a couple of other older kids in with fevers that went away after a week..so let's not get excited. Give it a few days. If the fever isn't gone by Friday let's have blood tests, he says.

Friday arrives. 101.4 with a rocket. So off we go to the hospital out-patient lab for blood tests.

My glorious redhead..the only true left-footed defender in the league, who takes down girls twice her size rather then let them get to the goal, shivers and sobs in my arms with unabated fever.

At that moment, thousands of years of feminine evolutionary instinct kicks in. These assholes need to figure out what's wrong with my child and they need to do it now.

There is a raw and intense energy that comes along with motherhood. At least it has for me. When both of my children were born I felt that intense bonding as they nursed at my breast. The sight of their perfect skin, blue eyes and their special infant scent assaulted my nervous system..forever imprinting them to me in the deepest way possible. These are my cubs...I love them and protect them and nurture them. I'm their mama lioness.

When my son was in third grade he would walk home the four blocks to our house. After awhile some older boys who also walked home that route started bullying him. When I discovered what was going on, I felt a white hot anger burst open inside of me. My cub is in danger.

Logic kept me from stepping in and ripping the bullies from neck to toes..but the instinct of the lioness was most definitely awake and ready to strike. The situation was eventually resolved. But those extremely intense feelings of protection and defense are as strong even today...and he's 14. When a mother says that she would easily give up her life to spare her child...she really means it.

So Friday when the blood tests results come in we head to the pediatrician's office. He checks the results and explains the diagnosis: mononucleosis. The illness in which a nagging fever, horrible sore throat, exhaustion and enlarged spleen/liver can keep the patient down anywhere from two weeks to two months. There is nothing to be done but take ibuprofen and benadryl (for throat swelling) and get as much sleep as possible. Just wait it out.

My beautiful cub with the gorgeous red hair is lying on my couch watching "Meet the Fockers". She should be outside on this sunny, warm day riding her bike and playing with her friends. She should be going to soccer practice. She should be going white water rafting on Wednesday with her brother for his birthday. Instead we helplessly wait for this wretched virus to work it's way out of her system.

And for the lioness with a sick cub, there is nothing worse than waiting.

Our species is perpetuated in large part because of the lioness. Not to take anything away from men..who have their own necessary role as a parent. There is however something unique about a mother's bond with her child. Nothing eclipses the protective sensibilities of the female as she nurtures and watches over her child. Nothing compares to the agony she feels against her own helplessness to provide the magic bullet to fix everything and make it all better.

Posted by Carla at August 21, 2005 05:01 PM