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January 31, 2006

Top 10 things W won't tell you about the State of the Union

From Juan Cole (italics commentary mine):

1. US economic growth during the last quarter was an anemic 1.1%, the worst in 3 years.
Clinton's fault.

2. The US inflation rate has jumped to 3.4 percent, the highest rate in 5 years.
Illegal immigrants' fault.

3. The number of daily attacks in Iraq rose from 52 in December, 2004 to 77 in December, 2005.
Michael Moore's fault. Wait, whatever happened to that annual report on Terrorism? Look, there's a memory hole right over there...!

4. A third of US veterans who served in Iraq and Afghanistan, some 40,000 persons, exhibit at least some signs of mental health disorders. Some 14,000 were treated for drug dependencies, and 11,000 for depression.
Jane Fonda's fault.

5. Increases in American consumer spending come from borrowing.
Ted Kennedy's fault.

6. The $320 - $400 billion deficits run by the Bush administration may push up the cost of mortgages and loans.
"Hey, all that economists and numbers babble means nothing -- I can qualify for a $495,000 crib! WHERE DA HOOD AT!" See #5.

7. 58% of Americans think Bush is painting Iraq as rosier than it is. A majority thinks we should never have invaded the country.
Liberal media's fault. "But we got all those schools painted -- why do you hate our troops?"

8. The US military is at a breaking point.
I just can't make any jokes about this.

9. In fact, the US and Iran are tacit allies in Iraq.
Jimmy Carter's fault. "Uh-UH! Ahmed Chalabi is our friend! and he owes us!"

10. More money would be needed to finish the US reconstruction projects begun in Iraq.
"Sacrifice, Mr. President? You better break off some cash, yourself, Mr. Oil Man. You didn't spend all of it on weasel-dust and ho's! Big-Time Dick? Exxon just reported 26% jump in revenue and a nearly 30% increase in earnings per share -- cough up those dividends, asshole!"

Posted by Jeff at January 31, 2006 06:39 AM