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February 18, 2006

Onward Christian Soldiers!

There are some days when it just doesn't pay to swig a cup of coffee before reading blogs. You end up spitting half of it out when reading stuff like this:

I really think the General should check out the Combat For Christ site. Seems like his kinda place: Indoctrinating the younguns into the violent, manly side of Jesus' teachings.

I especially like the Course Descriptions:

Rappelling Course: Utilizes a 30-foot rappel tower which contrasts the two types of faith. Self vs. The Savior

"Woops! You weren't supposed to pick the Self!" "Aaaaaaah!"

Climbing Wall: Shows the student the importance of "having a good anchor" to climb upon. Also, teaches the principle of satanic sabotage!

"Now, Timmy, can you guess which wall anchor was secretly loosened by Satan?" "Aaaaaaaaah!" "Oops, bad guess!"

Weapons Course: This course challenges the Christian Soldier to engage and eliminate his greatest enemies.

"OK, you get 50 bonus points for head shots for liberals, 100 for homosexuals! And 200 if you get a Hillary!"

Unfortunately from the looks of things, some of these guys only do the Combat For Christ fitness regimen under the "weekend warrior" status:

That guy in front looks like he might need some oxygen. And those poor kids look bored to tears.

Good job teaching the kid to wear red, there. Better chance that Dick Cheney won't hit him on the next penned bird massacre expedition.

Posted by Carla at February 18, 2006 08:00 AM