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April 05, 2006

10 Commandments? No thanks.

On Monday and Tuesday, the supposedly “liberal media” over at ABC will broadcast the television movie “The Ten Commandments.”

Groups such as the Institute for Theonomic Reformation have been working very hard to ensure that “national jurisprudence will return to its original Biblical foundations.” And apparently Christian conservatives have been disappointed that the Republicans they put in office have not been successful at ensuring religious symbols such as the Ten Commandments are displayed in public places.

Considering all this Ten Commandments talk, I thought it might be a good idea to review what our laws might look like if they were based on the Ten Commandments. (The following is based on Eldon Goopnik’s “The Seven Lost Commandments.”)

1st Commandment: "You shall not have other gods before me." Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, and even Christianity (which worships Jesus) are against the law (the Ten Commandments are Jewish law and Jews don’t worship Jesus). Scrap the First Amendment.
2nd Commandment: “You shall not make for yourself any graven image or any likeness of anything … you shall not bow down to them or serve them.” Statues of Mary, statues of Jesus on the cross, crucifixes, and all those paintings of a white Jesus with blue eyes and long soft hair lovingly holding a lamb or reaching out to children are forbidden. So is all representative art.
3rd Commandment: "You shall not take the name of the Lord, your God, in vain." Here’s another strike at the First Amendment. No more swearing. Or else.
4rd Commandment: "Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy. ... In it you will not do any work." It is against the law to do any work on the Jewish Sabbath (from sundown Friday night to sundown Saturday night).
5th Commandment: "Honor your father and your mother." Talk back to your parents and you will be put to death.
6th Commandment: "You shall not kill." Okay, this one we can keep.
7th Commandment: "You shall not commit adultery." No divorce allowed, and if you have sex outside marriage you will be stoned.
8th Commandment: "You shall not steal." Another keeper.
9th Commandment: "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor." This law actually only forbids false witness of one Jew against a fellow Jew, so it is lawful to commit perjury if it's against a Hindu, Moslem, or Christian.
10th Commandment: "You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male or female slave, nor his ox nor his ass nor anything that is your neighbor’s." "Covet" means "desire enviously." I thought conservatives were against the thought police. Anyway, it looks like slavery is fine, but wishing you owned your neighbor’s slave isn’t.

Gee, I think I would have thrown the tablets to the ground in disgust, too.

Posted by Becky at April 5, 2006 08:28 AM