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April 06, 2006

Too Little Affection

Like probably a lot of people, I was distressed when I read how a little 5-year-old girl was forced this week to write a letter denouncing hugging after a classmate embraced her.

Apparently little Savannah was hugged by her friend Sophie on the playground, so she hugged her back. The teacher punished Savannah by forcing her to lie in a letter that read:

"I touch Sophie because she touch me and I didn't like it because she was hugging me. I didn't like when she hugged me."

Maybe I’m off base here, but it seems we are rapidly approaching the point where we are teaching our children that the only time you can touch someone is for sex. For example, it has become quite popular to depict young women in magazine ads draped all over each other in suggestive ways, but you will almost never see two young women walking down the street hand-in-hand in pure friendship.

This is all a stark contrast to what I observed the year I spent teaching high school in Zimbabwe. It was absolutely refreshing. Girls held hands with other girls because they had a pure love for each other. Boys, too, held hands and were often seen walking around with their arms over each other’s shoulders. The gestures were entirely devoid of sexual overtone. The kids were simply affectionate pals.

Paranoia about touch has become absurd. Our children’s affectionate expressions should not be turned into something forbidden. Humans need to be touched, and touch should not always mean that one wishes to progress to sex. As children engage in sex at younger and younger ages, I wonder if, in their need for simple affection, touch-deprived young people are turning to the only form of touch they have been taught is legitimate.

Posted by Becky at April 6, 2006 05:17 PM