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July 19, 2007

Hamas Has Stolen Our Bees

Always entertaining, the Drudge Report today links to a report that we've all been waiting for, one that purports to explain once and for all where all the bees have gone. Reuters' "Planet Ark" news source says that a Spanish scientist has discovered the bees are all dying as a result of an "assassin" known as nosema ceranae, an Asian parasite (which a Fox News reporter called a sort of "bee AIDS"). Can you believe that? The Chinese, who have been trying to poison all our dogs and cats (not to mention our toothpaste), may have poisoned our bees, too?

Not so fast. The real problem with that crazy theory is that two months ago scientists were already saying that while nosema ceranae may be a factor, it could not be the sole culprit because some colonies infected with it still were thriving, while others that had been wiped out did not show any traces of nosema ceranae.

The mystery is no small matter; if we don't figure out where the bees have gone soon and get the colonies into recovery, we can kiss goodbye all bee-pollinated flowering food crops. That means goodbye to about 90 different types of vegetables, fruits and nuts. Even beef would be a thing of the past, as alfalfa relies on bee pollination. That bread and water diet might be all that is left in a land once flowing with milk and honey.

The weird thing is that unlike previous die-offs of bees, where the dead bee bodies could be found, this time none of the missing bee bodies seem to be anywhere. They've all just disappeared into thin air. It's like they passed through some portal or something. And they're only missing in Western countries. Eastern countries' bees seem to be doing just fine.

I think I know what has happened. Hamas's new mascot, the "Pioneer of Tomorrow" Nahoul the Bee, is really a sort of Pied Piper of Hamelin and has called all America's sweet little bees to himself. Soon he will fly away with them all to live in Bee Heaven in Saturn's giant honeycomb on its north pole.

The one thing Hamas has failed to take into account, however, is that Americans don't eat fruit and vegetables anymore. Ha! You all will just have to wait until we die of Cancer!

Posted by Becky at July 19, 2007 03:33 PM